Tag Archives: Sun Post

No Unwanted Side-Effects Like Christiaan Tarbox, Please

Neckbeard Autist Christiaan Tarbox, who wrote Minnesota vs. the measles- An essay by a supposed ‘side effect’ in the Sun Post

While you parents justifiably fret about your children being a full-syndrome autist unable to talk or shit independently, there is another vaccine side-effect you should fear them having. That would be your son or daughter ending up a “high-functioning”, pimple-nosed, neckbeard autist like Christiaan Tarbox. After all, who wants their kid going through life being a socially repugnant loser who thinks they owe nothing to society by refusing to fit in? Not me, if I have any.

But in a local Minnesota paper, serial killer look-alike Tarbox wrote this gem:

I’m not going to go into the science of vaccines and the fallacies of the attitudes against them, but to see reports of communities being tricked into believing that life-saving vaccinations “cause” autism isn’t just offensive to me as an autistic man, but it’s downright evil.

Autists like Tarbox are so fragile, so insufferably snowflake-y that any serious discussion about preventing the fastest growing pediatric neurological disorder is taken as personal insult. Tarbox is in fact a perfect example of why all autism should be prevented. Would you really want your kid to avoid a two-week rash only to end up like this?

Growing up with autism was not easy by any stretch. Even though I was a bright kid, I suffered significantly in my emotional, mental and social development. I had little to no friends, I had a poor grasp on social cues and niceties, my interests were narrowed and borderline obsessive, and every day ranged from being a mild inconvenience to an indescribable nightmare.

But then he had his amazing transformation guys!

I managed to move out, go to college, get my degree, own a car, live in my own apartment, get a job, become an award-winning journalist [Autism Investigated Note: because craptacular journalism deserves craptacular awards], find a stable and ever-growing network of amazing friends, and carve out a true niche for myself in Minneapolis’ artistic community.

“move out”? “go to college”? “get a job”? Wow!!!!!!!!!

He moved out of his parents’ basement! It’s a miracle.

No mention of any romantic endeavors surprise surprise. Judging by that stunning visage, Tarbox’s willie is as dry as the Sahara Desert during a record drought. The only vagina he probably ever saw was the one that shat him into existence. The female autists get way, WAY more pussy than he does.

Christiaan Tarbox is a sorry caricature of how low the bar for success is set for even the most able of us autists. Who can blame parents for preferring unvaccinated normal children to atrocious spectacles like him?

The only real reason he bought a car was because this stopped showing up to his house:

Make America Neurotypical Again.